Monty Harper

Lyrics

I was lazing on the porch with a library book last Saturday night
when my dog started howling and the sky took to pulsing with a purplish light.
A great glowing gadget glided over the trees
like a gigantic hamburger hanging in the breeze.
Then the bun popped open, and a critter flew toward me like a meteorite.

And I heard him say,
"Akbo ekto <ptht> neeky wokky.
Uptuck neewuk <pwoit> eeky bokky.
Eppa leppa wakka wikka pikky pokky poo.
Pobbalagga bigga bogga zibby zabba zoo!"

He hit the ground bouncing with five arms flapping like a wacky disaster.
He planted his foot and waved a dozen eyes at me while my heart beat faster.
More nervous than a wiener in a hotdog stand,
I said, "W-Welcome to Earth" and I held out my hand.
Did he shake it? No, instead he pointed what I took to be an alien blaster.

And once again he said,And I heard him say,
"Akbo ekto <ptht> neeky wokky.
Uptuck neewuk <pwoit> eeky bokky.
Eppa leppa wakka wikka pikky pokky poo.
Pobbalagga bigga bogga zibby zabba zoo!"

The blaster went "Zap!" but I never looked back to see if I was OK,
'cause like a mouse at a cat convention I was rather busy running away.
Behind me came the sound of that one foot thumping,
or maybe it was only my own heart jumping.
Either way the sky began flashing with a now familiar purple display.

And from above I heard,
And I heard him say,
"Akbo ekto <ptht> neeky wokky.
Uptuck neewuk <pwoit> eeky bokky.
Eppa leppa wakka wikka pikky pokky poo.
Pobbalagga bigga bogga zibby zabba zoo!"

A bright blue beam dropped straight down around me from the burger-shaped ship,
and it sucked me up like a straw full of soda with one quick sip.
Then that five-armed fiend had me strapped into place
with a dozen buggy eyes waving up in my face.
He put the nasty looking blaster in the middle of my forehead and he let it rip.

Well I yelped and twisted like a hyperactive poodle at the end of his chain,
and I struggled for a spell before I noticed that I really wasn't feeling any pain.
I was soon to discover that bug-eyed invader
didn't zap me with a weapon. It was a nifty translator!
Every word he said was now repeated by a happy little voice in my brain.

What I heard was,
"Akbo ekto <ptht> neeky wokky."
"Hi! My name is Bob."
"Uptuck neewuk <pwoit> eeky bokky."
"I come from the planet <pwoit>."
"Eppa leppa wakka wikka pikky pokky poo."
"I’m here to study your science and culture."
"Pobbalagga bigga bogga zibby zabba zoo!"
"Please escort me to the nearest free public repository of information."

In other words...
Take me to your library!
Take me to your library!
"Pobbalagga bigga bogga zibby zabba zoo"
means take me, take me, take me to your library!

Well I showed my new five-armed dozen-eyed friend what direction to fly.
And from the library shelves he grabbed histories, geographies, folk tales, art, and sci-fi.
I recommended Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone,
and we checked them all out on interplanetary loan.
Then Bob said he'd better get home, but that it didn't have to mean goodbye.

So here I sit zipping along in that burger-shaped ship the sixth day in a row,
and I've seen enough hyperspace I've been yawning like an Eskimo watching snow.
One thing I figure I will desperately need
for the trip back home is more books to read.
So I've been practicing up and when we get to Bob's planet I know just how I’ll say hello:

"Akbo ekto <ptht> neeky wokky.
Uptuck neewuk <pwoit> eeky bokky.
Eppa leppa wakka wikka pikky pokky poo.
Pobbalagga bigga bogga zibby zabba zoo!"

Take me to your library!
Take me to your library!
"Pobbalagga bigga bogga zibby zabba zoo"
means take me, take me, take me to your library!